What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:08
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why do I (45, male) feel like I'm crushing on a girl (19, female)?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Can you list every album you have ever listened to?
I will be 64.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Do you think the number of sissies is on the rise?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Kuorans can you write a sad story about kpop?
Im still living with it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So whats the point in blame.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What movies and TV shows portray realistic beauty standards?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What would happen if the Earth stopped spinning for one minute?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
She loved him until the end.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I supercharged Google search with a three-key shortcut with custom results - Android Police
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why did i forgive my father ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were not on the streets..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
When she asked me how she looked .
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She married twice! .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My family never makes their pension either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was in good health!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I have no regrets .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot live in the past .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Put me off passion for life!!
I said to her
As i do to all so called friends.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was very sick at this time too.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She found it foreign!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She wouldn,t have been !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I waited trembling.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was 9 years of age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We all went to grammer schools
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is soul school!.